If you let The Bear lose, he gets things done. In no time, the group was cram full of links. The only job left was to make a selection out of those. I hated that task because it brought to life the horror of CSAT permutations and combinations questions. Also, since we had not pampered our lazy asses for a while, and had not had a chance to lick the luscious laung lata of Gandhi Vihar again, we decided to spend a day after the dreaded EPFO exam (will discuss that ordeal in another post) at Jade’s house.
Gandhi Vihar is another of those areas where the waste and the best exist together. Occupants open their windows to a panorama of untamed wilderness with malnourished grasses, decaying matter oozing out of plastic bags, and stray animals hunting for food amidst the heap of poison and rot.
Despite the dreary disposal sites, this place is teeming with UPSC aspirants. The people who live here can proudly narrate to their kids the struggle it took to exist and educate oneself against the cruelty of culture. First, Gandhi Vihar has roads that look like they were conceived to serve as rainwater harvesting pools, while transportation was the secondary purpose. On drier days, these are studded with cattle dung and other forms of litter, as per Jade. The alleys are so narrow that one lazy cow can bring the traffic to a halt, but they do open into wider lanes, and you may clock a few parks here and there. By the look of the landscape, and the monotony they emanate, you can tell they are sarkari parks. All sarkari parks are the xerox copies of each other. Benches, grass, trees, pavements and squirrels- all look the same, and this uniformity, after six years and four pincodes in Delhi, makes me nauseous.
Then, the buildings are sandwiched tight, as if they share chromosomes. All 1RK flats. The stairs are steep and the landing is often littered. The rooms lack ventilation. If you need air, you must sacrifice privacy, for the door is the only way to let things in. The kitchen is darker and the bathroom is brighter, because the former is in a cave whereas the latter has a window.
Who designs these houses? Who approves them? Who rents them?
“Well, ” Jade said, sticking his back to the tiny cooler and wiping his neck, “It’s not that bad. There’s peace inside. And there’s a vibrant market outside. And the price is really low. “
He got me at low.
“How low? ” I enquired, dragging myself under the fan since he had taken over the cooler now.
“12k for 2RK.” He said. That was quite unbelievable. Our ears got erection.
“Yeah, and you’ll have dozens of them to make a selection from. “
I hated the word ‘selection’.
‘Plus, landlords don’t live here. So it’s open to all kinds of debauchery. “He smiled wider than what could be considered normal for a human jaw.
“The chap next door has orgies on weekends. “He said with conviction, as if he would produce evidence if we raised a brow. Well, with regard to orgies, I find it too crowded.
Anyways, the thought of Gandhi Vihar as a prospect began to get a concrete shape as the discussion progressed. One by one, all our concerns were addressed, and priorities were met.
” I need an auto at 11, night. “The Bear said. He gets home by seven, but he wanted to have a stake in this decision as well.
” You’ll get it till 3 am. Then that guy would sleep and other autowallahs would wake up. They will take you to Mars and beyond. “Said Jade. He would make a good broker.
“Libraries, so that I could make a selection out of ample options. ” demanded Cyan. I was now beginning to develop an allergy to the word selection. It made me red hot.
“There are more libraries than rooms. And chaishops open till 3 am. Then those guys sleep and other chaiwallahs wake up. “
“And what are your demands? ” They all looked at me. I felt the pressure to come up with a valid demand. Orgy, mobility, and books were already covered. What else would a man need? Food. But I couldn’t say food, because I have been pretending to be on a low carb diet these days. So fitness was the only option left.
“Yes, we have badminton courts around. They are vacant in the morning. Wake up and conquer. “Jade was now enjoying his broker avatar. He gave us a smug face as if we were too easy.
” But will the flats be available? “I risked, regretting my decision instantly.
” There are more flats than people. If you raise a demand, they will build one from the scratch. “
•••
In the evening, we strolled through the market and my views did change significantly. After I broke the diet code.
First, you get samosa chaat for twenty rupees which is a great deal. Then, for fifty rupees, they give you a plate of momos which has fourteen pieces. Any Delhiite would swear on his mother that even Amazon can’t sell momos this cheap here. Then, the pani puri shop by the child labourers (though they say they are 17+) in front of the police station serves the spiciest pani puris. And the laung lata– the sweet sweet laung lata! The precious, gorgeous, delicious laung lata! The smell of biryani and burger made me weak at the knees, however, my stomach was already a balloon, and Cyan had already cracked four jokes on my diet code, so I didn’t persist.
On our way back, I spotted a book shop which was running a flash sale of ₹100 per book. Like a kid in the Disneyland, I got myself three.
As Jade had promised, there were libraries and chai shops and food shops everywhere. There were general stores and xerox shops. It did seem like a complete package.
You just have to be a little less whiney about the waste. And waste isn’t such a bad thing. Our intestines are literally full of waste, we don’t throw them out.
At night, after rehearsing the bargaining methods, we walked to the biggest broker in the area and asked for 2 RKs at corners facing greenery.
“Wide double balconies” Jade added.
“No Landlord interference. ” Said the Bear. I didn’t know he was for orgies.
“No 2RK rooms in this area till April 2024. ” The broker said flatly, like a tape recorder, leaving us in disbelief.
We looked at the unending chains of sandwiched flats, hoping to clock an unoccupied property.
“Nothing? “Jade said, and pointed at a dark second floor flat, ” That one looks vacant. “
“It’s all booked. Coaching centers have opened up. Students are booking even under construction flats. “
“Empty plots? ” I asked. The broker signaled with his eyes at a distance, and as I followed him, I found a dump site, partially enveloped in gloom and partially glowing golden under street lamps. Dogs, and flies.
Crestfallen, we bought a coke, four plastic glasses and some ice. Jade poured quietly. As we sipped the drink, we strolled lazily on a quieter road that led to a township that was coming up. There was a lone skyscraper in the middle of nowhere.
“That’s the cheapest luxury accommodation you’d get in Delhi. It’s only a few miles away. ” Jade said.
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Jade. ” We spoke together and sipped the cola to fill our sad hearts.
roastedmoongfalis 